Your dad touched me again.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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