I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
