I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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