Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
