I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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