i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
