i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
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