I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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