the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
