Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
