We're facebook friends in real life
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
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