i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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