I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
