Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
