Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
