I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Randomize
