I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Randomize
