I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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