i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
You have to summon your inner elephant
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
