Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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