remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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