it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I think weed is turning my hair brown
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Randomize
