yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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