Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
