hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
