ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
