We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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