living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
