I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
We left an ass print on the piano.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
