you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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