We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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