Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
