I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
