it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
