do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
