One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
