let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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