He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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