OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
