Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
