It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
