Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
