so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Randomize
