sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
