I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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