the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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