Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
