a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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