why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
