I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
