Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Im just a social blackout drinker.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
